So, I've become more aware lately of some of the very strange things happening within our culture. It started slowly with wondering why Paris Hilton is so famous. And then why her sex tape made her even more famous. Then a few months ago I read 'Female Chauvinist Pigs' by Ariel Levy. I recommend you all go read it. Now. ready? Go!
Anyway, that book set me on a course of seeing societal phenomena regarding sex, women and success differently. Slutty as empowerment. Where did this come from? And where is it going to lead us? The main message I found from that book was that the vast majority of women in North America aren't defining their own sexuality, but they're letting pop culture define it for them.
There are 2 recent events that have sparked this posting. One is the Grade Fivers in the states who apparently had sex in an unsupervised classroom and could possibly be criminially charged with obscene behavior and the other is this Pussycat Dolls video that MSN is advertising in the messenger window. Do you hear all of the pre-pubescent girls screaming at these overtly sexy, girating women who are singing about men 'loosening up their buttons?' Can you see the absolute disconnect that is happening with some children today?
We allow our young girls to idolize sexy role models without giving them a way in which to interpret the sexiness. Parents take their girls to a concert where they get excited and scream at the top of their lungs at what is quite obviously a male produced and controlled fantasy. We let them do all this, then when they make bad choices around sex at younger ages, we can't figure out what has gone wrong. In fact, with holding them criminally accountable for their actions, all of the sudden we try to tell them that sexy behavior is bad. We are encouraging that kind of behaviour in them as a society, then punishing it.
Now, do I think that all this sexy, slutty garbage is going anywhere soon? No, and it shouldn't have to. It has a right to be there as much as I have a right to think it's feeble-minded. All the power to them. But we need to make sure that these kind of images are put into context. Girls need to know that sex is not the only way to make guys like them, and have enough confidence in who they are to know they are worth more than their bodies. I fully support a sex education class that tackles more than anatomy and abstinence. I fully support parents to interpret and limit the amount of sexual images that gets thrown at children. These images aren't going away. We better figure out a way to prepare our kids to deal with them.
Whoo... okay, *steps down*. You can have your soapbox back. I'm finished with it... for now.
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9 comments:
Something else going on really pissed me off, and that's trendy lesbianism! High school girls nowadays just make out (and more!!!) ALL the time at parties, schools, etc. That's the best way to be sexy without being a slut. (cause it's a girl and not a ton of boys...but with all the boys thinking that you for sure put out and are sexy at the same time!) TaDa! I'm a lesbian now! Boys, you can't have me...well you probably can, but first you can watch me suck face with this other blond sherwood park 'lesbian'!
um, yeah. I know. My brother is 18. It's fucking crazy down there.
-mandy
p.s. i don't mean just being a lesbian in just making out with other girls to be sexy. I mean actually taking on girlfriends after a rough break up or to piss of their parents.
I completely agree with you. I find your post to be a very clear statement of things that have been bouncing around my head for a while, but I see bigger problems here. Two grade five kids don't get it on in a classroom because she's been seeing ass cleavage since she was a little girl and feels defined as a sexual object. Two grade five kids get it on because both have had sex defined as the paramount of life. That's the dangerous message that we are sending. Sex is everything, the be all and the end all. The boys are getting "screwed" if you'll pardon the obvious pun, just as much as the girls are.
Just as often as the girls are being portrayed as sex objects the guys are being portrayed as stupid and lazy sex consumers that don't have anything else to live for. Honestly, the pressure to become a pussycat doesn't bother me as much as the fact that I'm starting to have very low expectations of the males in my world. Lately, when men have shown themselves to be decent and multifaceted I'm taken aback as I've grown accustomed to the ridiculous horny toads we see on T.V. all the time and the idiots who imitate them in my daily life. It's sad that we have all started to buy into this definition of adulthood that puts sex so ridiculously high on the list and tries to talk us all into being teenagers forever. I understand that this may be an extension of the sexual revolution and that once women felt comfortable saying "I am a woman, which means that I am sexual being" there would be exploitation of that by the media to sell things.... but it's gone to a ridiculous degree.
I love sex! I think it's an important part of life. It just saddens me that we have exploited it to the point that it has lost its meaning! It has lost its context in relationships, it has lost any sense of personal wonder, and I really think we have, by defining outselves by it, ultimately devalued it and ourselves.
-Sex ed teacher that has heard far too much this year... Corine
I find the idea that the popularity of sexualization is a stem off of the sexual revolution not such a great correlation. In fact, I think we may have come so far that we are back where the revolution started. The difference is that in the 60's, it was women fighting for independence and for the choice to live how they want to live, free of male dominance. It seems now that women have internalized the role of sex star; they aren't choosing it. That role is once again being handed to them by society. What's worse is that they take it on emphatically, assuming that it is their choice to act that way.
Everyone's sexuality is different and some people will put a high emphasis on it as personally or relationship defining. The sad part is that most people are not thinking about their own definitions of sex. Why does sex make me happy? When does sex make me feel good about myself? When does sex make me feel bad about myself? What do I find sexy? Is it the images shown to me on tv, or is it some other intangible factor that is my own?
Sex is individual. The fact that we are trying to define sex for all of society is not good.
Ps. Awesome discussion ladies!
Oh I agree that what's going on now is a far cry from what the ladies were fighting for in the 60's. I think that one situation really did lead into the other though...
I am woman hear me roar, watch me make decisions, watch me take off my panties to sell a few more albums... so to speak.
It's true that women fought for choice. And we got those choices. Say whatever you want about the dominance of society/media... we got those choices. I can go to school and have a career, I can sleep around, I can be a virgin for life, I can even (gasp!) choose to be a housewife... they might not all be popular, but they are my choices.
Now is there pressure from society to act a certain way? You bet. There always is and always will be. This is not helped by the fact that I'm sure companies saw the sexual revolution as an excellent sales opportunity.
You are free, you have choice, choose my products! Freedom is buying power and companies are going to find whatever way the can to get you buy their products.
Look at the way birth control is being sold in the media these days... it's a perfect example of the way our independance is being exploited for sales. Access to family planning choices was definitely something that women fought for and now we have these damn commercials that sell the Pill as a lifestyle. Be on the pill to be an independant and sexy woman.
Do I agree with young woman having access to the pill? Absolutely. I'd hand them out in class everyday to whoever wanted them if they'd let me. But do I agree with young woman being constantly showed the image that "regular" young woman are on birth control? No, because birth control was supposed to be a choice, not an opportunity to sell product.
Ultimately though we do have choices now and I really think it would be underestimating the gender to say that we are being brainwashed into being sex kittens and that the revolution did nothing for us. Even by having this conversation we are showing that we are thinking about what sex is and our gender roles...and that was the whole purpose of the revolution. I just think that some of the side effects of that revolution are not necessarily positive ones, and that we're all, men and woman, adjusting to having sex out in the open and free to be chosen. With that adjustment being made a few people are bound to try and exploit it!
Sorry, I really didn't mean to downplay the effect that the women's movement actually had. I would have serious trouble making it to the place where I am today without their influence.
And while I am happy that they gave us the power to choose what our sex lives are, I feel like as of late, that power is being stripped back. Not only is it expected of guys to be mindless sex consumers, but it's expected of women to be be ready to jump into acts more quickly, and with the types of acts expected being of a much greater variety. Why should I be deemed a prude for wanting to save sex with a guy until it actually means something? That is my choice and just because society expects me to whore it up, doesn't mean I should.
Perhaps not all this is completely true, but this is the spiral that we seem to be heading towards. I am scared that the kids who are growing up in this society where sex is the hottest commodity won't truly realize that choice. I'm scared that too few might question the value that is being handed to them, because no one is providing them the tools with which to interpret it.
Ultimately, I feel that there are too many smart ladies like us to let it get to that point. But then the question becomes "What now?" Do we just keep talking? How do we exert any influence to make sure that the spiral doesn't continue? I have no idea what the answer is, but I kind of hope that it turns 'feminist' back from being a dirty word.
I don't really know where it ends hon... but I love the conversation!
My guess will be that the pendulum (sp?!) will swing back the other way eventually. In the mean time is it worth discussing, you bet, because the truth is my young girls don't see through the image because they don't have anything to compare it to!
Hey Ladies,
You want to make a difference in how young women and girls view themselves? Volunteer to be a Big Sister or Youth Group leader or Brownie/Guide/Girl scout leader. I know that I don't have much contact with the younger generation but that I am a confidant woman who is educated, working.
Next year(when my own life is more stable) I am looking at becoming a volunteer for one of the organizations I mentioned above, so that I can be an influence on someones life- be an extra person that a young person can ask questions to and maybe be able to answer some of these strange questions, and provide a positive (if not mainstream) role model.
I was a member of the Girl Guides and youth groups galore when I was younger I am feeling like it is my turn to pass on what other women taught me.
We have the choice to make a difference, to be seen making choices that have nothing to do with sex but with life as a whole. We could write our own books, magazine articles, TV shows, movies, I make my own sculptures and paintings as do my friends, some are making their own clothes and jewellry.
Why not emphasize these parts of life instead, I'm quite sure that many young girls would be really interested in it. Because I honestly believe that it is not the majority of young girls that want to live and act as sex objects. We can make a difference if we go out and try. But we have to get out. Talking amongst ourselves is only a catalyst. We recognize a problem now what will we DO about it?
OOh, Ooh, is it too late to throw my two cents into this rich pile?!?!
Firstly let me say "kudos" to you ladies for addressing an issue that has obviously been seething under most of our skins for quite some time now, since there is a veritable essay being created here (hmm, which wouldn't be such a bad idea to publish, come to think of it, hmm....*scheming*...)
I agree with you all that something is missing. I would take the position, however, not that sexuality has been aggrandized (I would prefer to say "readily disseminated") but rather that we have taken sexuality out of the contexts that give it meaning and turned it into an emotionless, physical fulfillment of a very basic, id-driven need.
Along with feminism and the sexual revolution there was a move towards relationship freedom. The freedom to choose to be alone or with someone, to divorce someone to whom you no longer felt a connection, etc. There was also a focus placed on the self-driven motivational factors. It wasn't about "society" or "your family" or "jesus" or what have you but rather "me, me, and oh yes, me."
I think that our society, rather than embracing the new values of freedom of choice and openness about sexuality and seeing how those ideas could broaden our concepts of relationships and values, decided instead to discard the old and embrace the new.
Sex for sex's sake is fine if that is what you want at the moment and if your self-esteem and respect don't hinge on it. The issue for most young people nowadays (male and female) is that sexuality has been severed from any other ties, wether those be relationships, emotional reciprocity or respect for yourselves and others. It's become a thing separate from all other aspects of self. A pathological activity, which doesn't bode well for the safety of young people practicing it nor their chances to seek pleasure from it. How can you enjoy something that you don't understand or connect with? It's like scratching an itch: there is joy in the relief, but it is not a genuine pleasure.
I doubt very much that people ever got it on for mere procreation. But now that we have the choice to avoid the whole baby thing out of hand (or, you know, as part of living the modern Western "lifestyle" as Corine succinctly puts it) we have also left behind the psychological and emotional factors that went into sex and become some sort of robotic creatures: going through the motions without ever asking ourselves why we're doing this or how this in any way benefits us.
Sex has been put on a pedestal, I agree. But I don't think the pedestal's as high as everyone's saying it is. Rather, it's that everything else upon which we define ourselves as complex, diverse and intricate creatures has been demeaned and devalued and replaced by sex. We have chosen to give up our complexity in favor of a simply definition of a human being: something that fucks or is fucked and on that basis we define who we are and how we are valued by the world.
Thanks Kel. That's what I meant to say! :)
What's weird is I keep hearing from more and more people who don't even really like sex in and of itself but have a lot of it because it's the thing to do. I find this bizzare, but again...a result of choice.
And as far as your idea Camille, it's a fantastic one... give me a couple of months to stop being a burned out first year teacher and I'm totally on it!
(I know it's an excuse... but right now no young girl should be exposed to my example of franticness and sleepiness combined)
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